


Like Real People Do

by Pa_tr0_clus



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Gratuitous use of the word T'hy'la, Happy Ending, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Leonard "Bones" McCoy is a Good Friend, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Slash, Set out in a sort of episode format I guess, Space Husbands, Spock (Star Trek) Has Feelings, Star Trek - Freeform, Vulcan Kisses, spock needs a hug, t’hy’la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pa_tr0_clus/pseuds/Pa_tr0_clus
Summary: Spock is good at controlling his emotions, except when it comes to a certain James T Kirk.Jim is left in critical condition after what should’ve been a simple mission and now Spock has to somehow captain the enterprise and keep his feelings in check, which have bubbled up the the surface and threaten to make him fall apart.(Title from the Hozier song)





	1. Chapter 1

"Mr Sulu, scan the planet for indigenous life-forms."

"Aye, Sir."

The sound of the engines was a steady and constant thrum, punctuated by soft beeps from the various stations around the bridge. Everyone was sitting quietly at their stations, and Jim was resting his face on his hand, leaning up against the side of his Captain's chair. He was bored; nothing even vaguely interesting had happened in what seemed like forever, and now they had to obey some ridiculous protocol and beam down onto an unknown planet to collect flora samples? Was a little bit of danger every so often really too much to ask for?

Out of the corner of his eye, Jim watched as Spock turned around in his seat to address him. He stayed staring straight ahead. "Captain, scans indicate that there is a significant amount of concentrated plant-life. There are, however, several locations suitable to be used as a point for beam down." Even Spock's usual monotonous tone sounded disinterested.

Kirk exhaled deeply. "Thank you, Mister Spock. Well, let's get this over with. Mr Sulu, maintain orbit, you have command. Spock, with me to the transporter room."

"Are there to be no ensigns accompanying us, Captain?" Spock quirked an eyebrow in confusion as Jim vacated his seat and went to leave the bridge.

"No sense in wasting unnecessary man-power on a routine sample collection on an uninhabited planet. Wouldn't you agree, Mister Spock?" After the two men entered the turbo-lift Jim pressed the button and announced 'transporter room' as their destination.

"It would seem logical, considering the parameters of the mission, Captain, if a bit unorthodox." Spock was standing up ram-rod straight, hands clasped behind his back, looking as professional as ever. Despite his seemingly emotionless outer appearance, Jim had known Spock long enough to notice that he was just as unwilling to complete this tedious task as Jim was.

The turbo-lift doors opened and the men stepped out and moved onto the transporter, both greeting Scotty with a curt nod and (in Jim's case) a slight grimace, as he was waiting patiently at the console.

They stood, phasers in hand as per regulation, and with the whine of the transporter and a flash of light, the harsh metal of the enterprise vanished around them and was replaced by trees towering above them and dusty grey-yellow gravel beneath their feet.

Jim glanced around at their surroundings, shielding his eyes from the bright light with his hand. "Right, how far are we from this plant we're supposed to collect?"

"Approximately three point three seven miles across uncharted terrain, Captain." Spock answered, peering at his padd which was blinking with the coordinates of the desired flora.

"I suppose we'd better get moving then," he grumbled, still entirely dissatisfied with their current mission.

"Affirmative, Captain." Spock spoke and tilted his head slightly in a way that Jim presumed was supposed to convey some sort of emotion that he was failing to decipher. The gesture could possibly be Spock judging his 'illogical' choice of words, or could be interpreted as a empathetic gesture to show mutual distaste of their current situation. Either way, Jim was frustrated and quite frankly didn't care enough to ask.

Following Spock’s lead, they trudged across the stones and into the wild tangle of trees before them. They walked in a comfortable silence, quietly in awe of the intriguing plants and trees that were stretching up towards the twin suns hanging in the sky. Under the umbrella of leaves the air was warm, but not overbearing like it had been in the clearing they beamed into. It was relaxing and quite pleasant. Jim reluctantly admitted that he could be doing a lot of things that were worse than taking a gentle stroll though a beautiful forest with his First Officer.

“Hey Spock, these trees are actually rather nice, don’t you agree?” Jim said offhand, not really thinking that Spock would deem his question worthy enough for a reply.

“Yes, they are rather aesthetically pleasing,” Spock agreed. “However they are extremely toxic to humans when even the slightest part of it ingested, so I would err on the side of caution, if I were you.”

“Oh.” Jim’s upbeat mood had not lasted long. “Could you not have simply agreed with me and left it at that?”

“Vulcans cannot lie, Captain.” Spock continued at a brisk pace, with Jim a few paces behind, mumbling nonsensically about ‘stupid Vulcan ‘ and their ‘inability to let him be happy for once’ .

Spock felt rather affronted. “I take offense to that, Captain. Whether you believe it or not, your happiness is quite a high priority of mine.”

“Because I’m your Captain?” Jim raised an eyebrow to punctuate his question.

Spock suddenly stopped walking and paused for a moment, almost causing Jim to walk into him. “No, because you are my friend.”

Jim grinned. “Why, how kind of you, Mister Spock. I hold your contentment at a high priority as well.”

“I am eager to resume quest, if that would be amenable to you, Captain?” Spock said with a glint of impatience in his eyes.

“Oh, trust me I do not wish to be here any longer than needs be either. What’s so special about this plant we’re here to collect anyway?” They resumed their hike following the glowing map on Spock’s padd, Jim at least attempting to keep up with Spock, who had seemingly taken up their walk with renewed vigour.

“I do not think that that information is relevant at this time, nor would a conversation about it interest you.”

“Y’know, Spock, Vulcans being unable to lie doesn’t mean that you can’t simply elect to not share your opinion.” Jim huffed in anger and with the effort of matching Spock’s pace.

“Of course, Captain. Would you like to discuss the flower’s full applications and uses to the Federation at length?” Spock spoke nonchalantly.

Jim sighed in defeat. “You know I’d really rather not. But that is besides the point!”

Spock’s face hinted at a smug smirk, almost radiating the ‘I told you so’ he was too mature to ever actually say. “Come along, Captain, if we continue at this pace we shall be finished and back to the ship before beta shift starts.”

Jim responded with a groan of annoyance, and trailed behind Spock into a particularly dense patch of foliage.

———————

"So... this is it?" Jim pointed at the small, leafy, green plant with purple flowers which closely resembled a Terran Aster flower, feeling slightly underwhelmed. The two men had found themselves in a small clearing surrounded by strange purple and green tree-like structures.

Spock nodded slightly. "Affirmative, Captain. It is theorised that a compound containing the oil of this may aid in the creation of a more potent hypospray."

Jim made a face. "Please never tell Bones about that." He leant over and picked several samples of the leaves and blooms, stashing them inside the sample bags they had brought. He sealed them inside his pack on top of his phaser, and straightened up to face Spock, ready to head back towards the beam-up point.

"Jim! Behind you!" Spock's eyes were not looking at Jim, but behind him, and he was suddenly speaking with urgency and scrambling for his phaser. 

Jim whipped around to come face to face with a large thicket of tentacle-like spiked tendrils, twisting and turning through the air towards him, advancing like a snake poised to strike. He took a few cautious steps backwards arms out as a reflex for stability. "Mr Spock, what is this thing?"

"Unknown, Captain. Potentially hostile, best to retreat before the situation escalates." Jim's eyes were firmly fixed on the deep green vines that seemed to be increasing its speed, but he could sense that Spock was positioned and ready to fire, warning shots or otherwise.

Jim was slowly retreating when his heel caught on something - a root or a rock - sending him tumbling to the ground. The vines snapped to attention, taking note of this apparent moment of weakness and lashed out, immediately coiling their way around the captain's body, thorns catching on his skin and his uniform, scraping long deep cuts in his flesh. A scream tore its way out of his throat, loud and guttural, born of pure pain.

Spock set his phaser to kill and rapidly fired, hyper-aware of the gravity of the situation. If it were not so illogical, he would be praying to a deity for the safety of his Captain.

Jim was writhing on the mossy ground like a madman, desperately attempting to break free of the thick vine cocoon surrounding him. After taking several hits the vines faltered and stuttered, uttering a vicious hissing noise from seemingly nowhere, then swiftly retracted and vanished back into the foliage. Jim fell still, and silent.

"No!" Spock's phaser slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor with a muffled thump, as he ran to the body that lay limp amongst the moss and grass. He knelt down and lowered an ear to Jim's chest, straining to hear the heart that was still fainting beating. "Captain, _Jim_ , are you able to hear me?"

Jim's eyes fluttered open, and stared up at Spock. "M'okay Spock, just a few- " he coughed weakly. "Scratches, that's all."

"You are losing a lot of blood. We must return to the ship immediately." Spock hesitated, his mind whirring at a mile a minute. "Captain, I fear that you attempting to walk would aggravate your condition even more. Therefore this is the most logical course of action to take."

"What're you talking abou- argh!" Jim's feeble voice was cut off by a gasp of pain, caused by Spock enveloping Jim in his arms and picking him up, clasping him close to his chest. He set off at as brisk a pace he could manage back out of the clearing, trying to maintain a careful balance between rushing to the ship and not jostling the man nestled in his arms. His science blues were quickly being dyed a deep scarlet red.

"You must stay awake, please tell me speak to me, Jim."

"Finally wanna hear one of my stories do you?" Jim chuckled feebly. "I know one you'll like, Bones will kill me if he knows I told you, but at this rate, heh, it won't matter."

"Do not speak like that," Spock demanded, emotion edging into his voice.

Jim smiled deliriously. "Even back at the academy Bones had a penchant for drinking. So, one night, I'm studying in my room, like the dedicated student I was- "

Spock snorted in disbelief. Despite Jim's calm demeanour, Spock could sense his fear and regret.

"Hey, I studied!" Jim said in mock offense. "I was studying and I heard a knock at the door, and when I open it I see Bones leaning on the doorframe, clearly drunk off his face. He practically fell through the doorway and sat himself right down on my bed, and started crying.

At the time I didn't know him that well, and had only seen him at various stages of rage, so I had no clue what to do. Heh, guess what I did, Spock."

"Guessing is illogical, but I shall indulge you. I presume that you consoled him?" Spock scanned the path ahead, painfully focused on not tripping up or taking a wrong turn; it was crucial to not waste a single second.

"Logical as ever, Mister Spock. I sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. He was reluctant at first, but eventually he let his guard down and relaxed. We talked for hours that night, before he fell asleep in my arms. It was one of the first times I actually got to see the real Bones, not just 'Doctor McCoy'." Tears leaked out of his eyes and he sniffled. "Spock, if I don't make it... take care of Bones, okay? He's going to need a friend."

Jim leant his head against Spock's shoulder, seemingly becoming weaker. "Sulu, Scotty, and Uhura too. I trust that they're in good hands with you. You'll be a wonderful captain, I know it."

"Possibly, but not just yet." Spock was silent for a moment, contemplating. "Am I to assume that it is a human instinct to think about those one cares for when an end is anticipated?"

"Dammit, Spock, just let me say my goodbyes." There was no real bite to his words. The physically vulnerable state Jim found himself was also forcing his emotional defences to crumble and come crashing down. Say what you want about his unusual Captaining style and clear disregard for every rule ever set by Starfleet, no one could ever say that James Tiberius Kirk wasn’t a deeply compassionate and caring man.

"Tell me another story." They had come to rather steep incline that had Spock panting from the effort of keeping Jim securely in his arms and still keeping a steady pace.

"Can't give you too much blackmail against Bones, now can I? Heh, I know. A while back... nothing was going right. We had lost many good, brave men due to my mistakes and miscalculations, and it weighed heavily on my conscience. A Captain has no room for error, for hesitation; a Captain must be calculated and decisive, all things I am yet to achieve. A bear the tremendous weight of all that guilt in my soul. But you - your presence - somehow lifts my heavy heart. Chess games with you keep me anchored, and I am forever grateful." The corners of Jim's mouth quirked into a ghost of a smile.

"I do not wish to lose you, Jim." Spock felt a wave of affection from where his fingers were pressed against bare skin through the shreds of the tattered shirt.

Jim shot him another smile, this one even weaker than the last. "Nor I, you." His eyes closed despite his efforts to keep them open. "Spock... I have to tell you... something."

"Jim- " Spock was starting to stumble across the rocks, aware that Jim was fading fast. "T'hy'la, do not leave me."

"I- I truly care about you, Spock. Do not blame yourself for this. I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

Spock began to run.

———————

When they reached the beam up point Spock's legs finally gave out and he collapsed under the weight of the Captain.

"Stay with me, T'hy'la," he begged, his voice sounding harsh and grating to even his own ears. He scrabbled around until his fingers grasped around his communicator and flicked it open.

Scotty casually leant on the console in the transporter room, humming absently to himself, when his comm bleeped.

"Ready to beam up already, eh Captain?"

"Two to beam up. Now, Mr Scott." Spock's voice echoed through the comm. It was hoarse and urgent, much to Scotty's surprise.

"Aye, Sir, right away." Scotty replied, feeling extremely confused but quickly readying the transporter and locking onto Spock and the Captain's signal without question.

The room lit up with its usual harsh glow, and yielded two figures collapsed on the floor when the light faded. The Captain's limp body was bloodied and unconscious, and his shirt was ravaged. He was lying awkwardly while being tightly cradled in his first officer's arms, which along with his chest were also coated in deep red blood. The Captain's blood.

Spock looked up at Scotty, his eyes wide and wild with fear, his hair disheveled, looking distressed beyond anything Scotty and had ever seen before.

****

_"HELP!"_


	2. Chapter 2

_"Help!"_

Scotty blindly grabbed for the comm, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight in front of him.

"Medbay. What's the matter Scotty?" McCoy's voice echoed, blissfully unaware of what horrors had unfolded planet-side. 

"Just get down here, fast as you can, laddie- an' bring every spare pair of hands ya've got up there!" Scotty was still staring at his Captain curled in on himself on the floor with a glassy-eyed Spock frantically checking for a pulse on Kirk's blood-slicked neck. Upon seeing Spock emote so openly, Scotty almost lost all hope of the Captain living to reach the medbay. 

The line went dead without response, McCoy knowing that if Scotty was as scared as he sounded the situation was grave. Roughly a minute of suffocating silence and Scotty rushing forward to aid Spock only to be pushed away later, a cacophony of the pounding of feet sprinting down the corridor and breathless yelled swears echoed around the room. 

Bones and three other medbay staff members rushed through the doorway and paused in shock for a moment, before shaking off any fear and replacing it with professionalism. Several pairs of hands immediately got to work separating a fiercely protesting Spock from Kirk and gently pulling his limp body onto a stretcher and quickly taking him away to the medbay. Bones stayed behind, arms wrapped tightly around the struggling form of Mr Spock, straining to keep him from racing after Jim. 

"No! Doctor, please! Let me go! Let me go to him," Spock screeched, any semblance of control completely abandoned. Spock was acting so... un-Vulcan, it absolutely terrified McCoy. 

"Dammit, Spock! Sit still would ya? There's nothing you can do for him right now." Spock was still protesting, despite the Doctor's logic. To Scotty watching the events in front of him, it was almost as if the Doctor and Vulcan has switched personalities: fierce emotion versus calm and controlled logic. 

Eventually Spock stilled, crumpling and sliding down to the floor once more, encased in McCoy's arms as Jim was in his own moments ago. Once he was sure that Spock wouldn't try to make a run for the medbay, he released Spock and sat down next to him in a more comfortable position. 

"Look, I'm worried sick about Jim too, but he wouldn't want everyone going off their rockers because of him. You're acting Captain now, Spock, you need to be- dare I say- _logical_ about this. Get your head on straight, and let my team do their best," McCoy spieled, observing how Spock has breathing heavily and resolutely staring at the floor of the transporter room, seemingly having regained his control. 

"And God forbid we lose him- " Spock inhaled sharply, confirming that he was indeed listening to what the Doctor was saying. "Well, we'll figure it out if it comes to that I s'ppose. Scotty, escort Mr Spock to the bridge and help him inform the bridge-crew. I'll comm you if anything happens." He addressed the last part to Mr Scott, who responded with a simple nod and an attempt to conceal his fear stricken expression. The three men parted wordlessly to continue their duties.

———————

Spock performed admirably as Captain after his initial emotional outburst. For the remainder of alpha shift, he did not even mention Jim, he simply sat in the command chair while Scotty dejectedly mumbled something about 'medical emergency' and 'acting captain' before excusing himself to engineering. 

Despite the strong possibility that the sample they had collected was damaged beyond repair ('Like the Captain,' Spock's brain interjected.) the Enterprise continued on it's pre-determined course to the nearest science base to report their results and transport whatever of the sample could be salvaged. Also to strongly advise against a follow-up collection mission to acquire more samples. 

'Precisely three point two seven hours until alpha shift ends and I can visit Jim,' Spock thought to himself. 'It is logical to be concerned for one's captain's wellbeing.' He reasoned, despite knowing that locked away deep inside his mind were deeper feelings causing his intense distress. 

"Uh, Mr Spock? Sir?" Uhura had turned in her chair to face Spock, apparently wanting to query something. 

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Spock asked impatiently, the urge to leave and rush to Jim's side almost overwhelming. He would be tapping his feet restlessly if that were not a very human and futile activity. 

Uhura looked uneasy, some of Spock's irritation slipping into his falsely unperturbed tone. "Sir, are we to presume that you alone will be acting captain for the foreseeable future? Or will Mr Scott also take command?" 

Spock sucked in a sharp breath. "Presume, Lt Uhura? You 'presume' that the Captain's condition will keep him from returning to the bridge soon? You 'presume' that I am rendered unfit for duty by the events of the mission and would rather that Mr Scott be placed in charge for interim?" 

"N- no, Sir! Not at all!" She spluttered in protest. "I am simply concerned for your wellbeing and I think that you should calm down- "

"Calm... down?" Spock faltered, his anger slowly receding. 

"Sir, I vould recommend zat you spend some time away from zhe bridge. I am sure that zhe Keptain will return very soon." Chekov reasoned, giving Spock a small, sad smile that exuded sympathy. 

All eyes were on Spock as the crew waited with baited breath for his response. Spock conceded with what would have been a sigh if he were human.  "Yes, I believe you are correct, Ensign. Effective immediately, Mr Scott will have command until further notice. I- I apologise for my momentary loss of emotional control, I will endeavour to prevent it from happening again." 

Spock stood up abruptly and left the bridge without another word. 

———————

_Knock knock knock_

Three neat raps upon the medbay door announced the arrival of the first officer. To his credit, he had refrained from visiting for much longer than Dr McCoy had predicted. It was already late into beta shift, so he guessed that Spock had been meditating in his quarters since his exit from the bridge earlier that day. 

He took a moment to prepare himself before leaving his office to let the Vulcan in. 

"Ya can come in, but I'm sorry to say ya can't see him." Spock opened his mouth to interrupt, but before he could McCoy held up a hand to stop him. "And before you ask, he's fine. Well, as fine as he can be after what he went through.  I've put him in a coma to let his body heal what our instruments can't, and we d'know when he'll wake up. If ya wanted to talk with me in my office that's fine, I'll ask Chapel to take a shift watching over Jim."

"Yes, speaking with you would be most agreeable at this point in time, Doctor." Spock stepped inside the room and followed the Doctor to his office, after he nodded towards Nurse Chapel, who had overheard them talking and knew what she needed to do. Spock and McCoy both stepped inside the CMO's office, shutting the door behind them with a soft click. 

Spock sat himself down on one of the chairs while McCoy walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a decanter of Saurian brandy and one glass, knowing from experience that Spock didn't drink. 

"Actually, Doctor, I would be amenable to having a drink myself," Spock said, surprising McCoy. 

"Well, sure." He took another glass from the cabinet and brought them over to his desk. He poured two glasses and handed one to Spock before putting the stopper back in the decanter and perching on the edge of his desk, facing Spock who was sitting stiffly in his chair, clutching the glass on brandy. 

"Well go on, take a sip." 

Spock hesitantly took a small sip of his drink then decided that the taste was acceptable, and took another larger swig. "While alcohol does not inebriate Vulcans like it does for humans, I do find the taste rather... pleasant. Also I understand that drinking and conversing companionably with associates is a well-liked human pastime." 

McCoy smiled slightly. "It sure is, Jim and I often have a good talk over a few drinks."

Spock's demeanour quickly changed at the mention of their captain, he seemed to slump as much as his 'logically perfect posture' would allow. McCoy took note of the minuscule change and felt the mood in the room shift. He prided himself on being able to notice how Spock was feeling, because dammit he did have emotions, no matter how many times he insisted he didn't. It simply took a trained eye and dedication to learn Spock's special brand of emoting. 

"Now look here, Jim's gonna be alright. It's a goddamn miracle that he pulled through but he did, and that's all that matters. I know you care about him, Spock; I care about him too. I don't know what I would have done if we'd've lost him. But he's alive, he's breathin', he's gonna be okay. I promise you that," he assured Spock, also trying to assure himself at the same time. 

Spock raised a eyebrow. "I sense that you are not quite confident in that assessment, Doctor. Care to tell me why?" He punctuated his question with another sip of his drink. 

McCoy swallowed around the nervous lump in his throat. "We lost him for a few minutes back there. Legally dead for around three and a half minutes." 

"Doctor- " Spock started, placing his now empty glass on the desk in front of him. 

"We're off duty, Spock. Ya can call me Leonard, if you'd like." He scratched absently at his head and took a long sip of his drink, downing it in one and pouring himself glass. 

"Leonard, I regret that you had to experience that. I understand what Jim means to you." Spock said sincerely. 

Leonard scoffed. "What he means to me? What about what he means to you? I know you pretend that you're all unfeeling and stuff, but dammit I've seen how you look at him when you think no one will catch you. You love him, don't you?"

Spock was caught off-guard for a moment and let a look of surprise through. He hadn't expected that his deep regard for their Captain was noticeable to the other crew members. But then again, Spock reminded himself, Leonard McCoy was not simply some other crew member. He was one of Spock's best friends - as well as Jim of course. "Indeed, Leonard. The depth of my feelings for him has certainly increased past what what could be considered platonic."

"You look at him like he hung the goddamn stars, you're absolutely past platonic at this point. How long have you felt like that 'bout him?" McCoy grinned. 

Spock's face lit up with his signature not-smile at the opportunity to talk about the emotions that had been hidden and trapped inside for so long. Perhaps sharing with Leonard would bring him the peace within himself that meditation had not been able to. "Three point six four of your Terran years to be precise."

McCoy choked on the brandy he had sipped from the bottle in shock. He coughed wetly several times and shuddered before being able to speak. "Wh- three point whatever _years_? Seriously? And you haven't done anything about it yet? Good god man, why haven't you told Jim?" 

“Why, it would have been illogical to do so. Jim has rarely expressed an interest in any non-female beings, and especially not one in me. My confessing would have resulted in the termination of our friendship, or possibly even a request from Jim to Star fleet for me to be transferred off of the ship. I could not bear that, Leonard. I would rather meditate on my regard for him and control it rather than put my position as First officer of the Enterprise and as Jim’s and your friend in jeopardy.” Spock explained as he proffered his glass to McCoy who dutifully filled it before drinking from the bottle once more. 

“I guess I see the _logic_ in that,” McCoy admitted begrudgingly. “What made you realise your feelings for him, anyway?”

“After I thought I had killed him during kal -if-fee, I felt such intense sorrow and regret, stronger emotions than I had ever felt. Upon realising that he was indeed not dead after all, I also realised the reality of my feelings for him,” Spock admitted. It was strange to reminisce on how what could certainly be considered a traumatic event had brought about warmth and affection for their friend. 

“D’You think you’ll ever tell him?” 

Spock shook his head slightly. “It would not be appropriate, Leonard. Starfleet regulations being what they are.”

“We came so close to losing him forever today. I think you should tell him before it’s too late and you end up regretting not admitting it. Besides, the two of us know Jim better than anyone else, and you can’t tell me that your pointy little ears haven’t heard how smitten he is with you. ‘Mr Spock, you almost make me believe in miracles’, why that could be taken straight outta one of those old earth romance novels!” 

“But Starfleet regulations- ” Spock protested. 

“Starfleet be damned!” McCoy interrupted. “If you two want to give this thing a go I’ll fight tooth and nail to keep ya both on this ship.” 

Spock was intensely grateful for McCoy’s offer, but still appeared hesitant and almost shy. “How can you be so sure that Jim may reciprocate?” 

“Truth be told, I’m not; Jim might just have a soft spot for you. But he would be a fool if he didn’t feel for you. Despite you being a hobgoblin and all that, of course. The pair of you would be what you might call ‘an advantageous match’.” 

Spock considered for a moment before standing up. “I shall meditate on it, Doctor.” 

“That’s all I’m askin for, Mr Spock. I just want my friends to be happy.” He smiled warmly, folding his arms over his chest, feeling triumphant that he had managed to somewhat change Spock’s mind about something for once. 

Spock left with a slight nod goodbye, leaving McCoy alone with his thoughts. He was jolted back to reality by a loud knock on his office door making him look up, expecting to see that Spock had returned for some reason or another, instead he was met with the sight of Nurse Chapel at his door. Before he could ask what the matter was, she spoke. 

“He’s awake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I have no words to excuse why this update literally took me _three months_. I had so many issues writing this for some reason, at one point I wrote in Crusher instead of Chapel before realising I'd made a mistake,  and I completely forgot how Bones spoke, so I'm extremely sorry for the VERY long wait and for how out of character they all seem at times, and hopefully it won't take me until April to finish chapter three! (I'm so sorry)


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Bones." A weak voice said as McCoy walked through the door. 

Jim Kirk was sitting in a biobed propped up against several pillows that he'd presumably been given by Chapel. His eyes were dark and weary, and his skin was waxy and pale, making him look sufficiently zombie-like for the severity of the situation. Despite his sickly pallor, a small smile was on his face, both reassuring and angering the doctor at the same time. 

McCoy sighed tersely. "Don't you 'Hey Bones' me, kid. This is serious, you _died_ Jim."

He grabbed a chair from the side of the room and dragged it over to Jim's bed, the back of the chair facing him. McCoy sat down on the chair, resting his arms on the back of the chair and fixing his best friend with a sad look. 

Jim's easy smile fell. "I died?" 

"For a while, yeah. It's a goddamn miracle you're still with us. How're ya feeling?" Leonard asked. 

Jim considered for a moment. "I'm feeling completely fine, a slight ache in my chest but other than that I think I'm ready to be cleared for duty."

McCoy raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Wanna try that again, this time tellin' the truth?" 

Jim laughed once and then winced heavily at the pain it caused. "I feel like death, which is probably appropriate considering the circumstances. I'm aching dully for the most part but my head is throbbing and my chest feels as if it's on fire. Chapel gave me a hypo, said it'd kick in soon enough."

"I'll get you something else to help with the pain soon. But first I need to talk to you, and you're gonna listen." McCoy ordered. 

"Fine. What's the matter Bones?"

McCoy swallowed hard, feeling a lump in his throat. "While you were out, Spock came to see me- "

"God, how is Spock? Is he okay? He- he saved me didn't he? I don't remember much but- " Jim interrupted, abruptly cutting McCoy off. 

"Spock is fine Jim. Well, as fine as he ever is at least. I've read his report on what happened. Apparently he carried ya all the way back to the beam up point. Scared the hell outta Scotty and me, the pair of ya did. He was _destroyed_ , Jim, yellin' and coated in your blood. It was terrifying." 

"Spock was shouting? You can't be serious, Bones, he would never lose control like that." Jim frowned disbelievingly. 

"Believe me kid, I thought that too. But he was _lost_. Anyhow back to what I was sayin' before ya rudely interrupted me," McCoy admonished, but with fondness in his voice rather than any real bite. "Spock came to see me in my office, an' I offered him a drink to be polite- stop yer laughin' I can be polite when I want to be. Anyway, he took it, so somethin' was obviously wrong with the hobgoblin. 

"I told him what was happenin' with you, and then he opened up to me. He actually came to me for advice on emotions. He has feelings for ya, Jim." 

Jim scoffed bitterly. "Stop joking around Bones; it's not funny."

"I'm not kidding, dammit! He has it bad for you, and wasn't even ever gonna tell ya! The two of ya need to sort this out together and quit making each other miserable. Believe it or not I care about the two of ya and I want ya to be happy, which is why I'm the one tellin' ya this and not Spock himself. He said he'd consider confessing but knowing him he'd spend a year meditatin' on it and never actually do anythin' about it, so I'm takin this matter into my own hands. C'mon Jim, ya can't tell me that this ain't what you wanted. You've been head over heels for the guy for months!" Bones yelled, standing up from his chair to punctuate his point. 

"I- " Jim started. "I do have feelings for him. Deep feelings. And yes I admittedly would love to start a relationship with him, but just put it in perspective. I almost died on what was supposed to be a simple, safe away mission with him and no other crew members. He saved my life but I was still severely injured, and he feels responsible for that. He must've somehow found out about my feelings for him and felt that he must pretend to reciprocate to make me feel better, or to make up for what happened. He can't have actual feelings for me." 

He pointed a finger at Jim accusingly. "Jim that is the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say, and you've said a lot of dumb things. And I mean _a lot_ of dumb things." 

"Okay okay, I understand, I have a lot of bad ideas- "

The doctor cut off his remark sharply. "No, you don't understand. I've seen with my own two eyes, he's been pining for ya, probably almost as bad as you. Jim, you've got a real chance at happiness here, and God knows why you'd want it with Spock, but you do, and he wants you back. Now listen here, as soon as I dismiss you back to your quarters- and no, not to duty, not for a couple weeks _at least_ \- I want you to go talk to him. Doctor's orders." 

"You can't order me to do that!" Jim exclaimed in indignation. 

"Fine, I implore you to do it. As your friend," McCoy sat back down, his frustration dissipating. 

Jim sighed in defeat and held his hands up on a mock surrender. "Okay, okay. I'll talk to him, _as long as_ you clear me for duty immediately."

"This isn't a negotiation Jim." McCoy frowned. 

"Fine. Run your tests and if you can't find any real reason as to why I should be kept in medbay, then clear me for duty and I'll talk to Spock after my shift. If that's okay with you, Mr Matchmaker?" Jim shifted to sit up straighter and held his hand out for a handshake, which Bones idly swatted away. 

"Dammit I'm a Doctor, not a matchmaker. And if I find nothin' wrong with ya then sure thing I'll let ya go. Still feelin' rough?" McCoy asked, his voice softening with concern. 

Jim nodded. 

"I'll go get you something for that then." McCoy stood up and turned towards the door to leave but stopped upon seeing Spock himself briskly walking towards them. "Well, speak of the devil."

"Captain. Doctor." Spock arrived and nodded in greeting at each man, his hands clasped neatly behind his back. 

"I'll be back soon, Jim," McCoy said, looking between the others. As he left he looked back at them and saw that Spock was nervously digging his nails into his hands as he clasped them. He snorted quietly to himself. "Emotionless, my ass."

Spock heard his remark but ignored him resolutely. He stiffly strode over and turned the chair beside Jim the right way around and sat down, folding his hands neatly on his lap. 

Jim shuffled awkwardly in the biobed, his heart fluttering lightly at Spock's perfect and calculated movements. His hair was precise and his uniform pristine, he was perfect.l as usual. Everything about Spock made Jim feel nervous and his heart feel light. The screens monitoring Jim's vital signs betrayed his nerves with loud bleeping at his sudden spike in heart rate. Either Spock didn't notice, or chose not to comment on it as he stayed silent, carefully watching Jim, making him feel as if Spock's eyes were staring into his very soul. 

"How are you, Mr Spock?" Jim asked softly, breaking the silence. 

For several moments Spock continued to silently stare at his Captain, eyes becoming unfocused momentarily. Before Jim could repeat what he had said, Spock's eyes flickered up to meet his own and Spock hesitantly replied. 

"I am well, Captain. Jim," Spock corrected himself as an afterthought, remembering Jim's distaste for formalities whilst off-duty. And occasionally on-duty. Spock considered James T. Kirk to be an immensely strange man at times.

"Good. That's- uh. That's good." Kirk's speech was stilted and increasingly awkward. 

"Captain," Spock blurted out, his usual calm and level tone wavering for a moment. "I admit that there is something causing me emotional distress." 

Jim smiled warmly, placing a comforting hand over Spock's own. "You can always confide in me, Spock, I hope you understand that." 

Spock startled slightly at the sudden contact, his breathing faltering. 

"Jim I watched you die," Spock whispered almost inaudibly. 

Jim felt his heart shatter. He'd never seen Spock so emotional and hurt before, and it was because of him? 

"Spock I- "

"Jim please, let me speak." Spock interrupted. He sighed deeply before continuing. "I carried you in my arms as your life drained out of you, and not once did you show resentment or antipathy. Instead you sought out reassurance that those left behind’s pain would be eased. You are a fascinating and incredible man, Jim.”

Jim sniffled slightly, moved by the admiration and pure emotion in his first officer’s words. He gently traced his fingers over Spock’s hands to reassure him, making the tips of Spock’s ears blush a faint green. 

Spock continued haltingly. “You are intelligent and quintessentially human in all of the best ways, and you never cease to amaze me. You are unendingly altruistic and eternally magnificent.

“You were my first real ‘friend’ and I feel deeply for you. To use one of those metaphors Doctor McCoy is severely fond of, when we are apart I yearn to be back in your presence, if not to speak with you, but to simply bask in your sunlight. You are radient, T’hy’la.”

Spock gently turned his hand over and threaded his fingers with Jim’s, touching so lightly it was as if he was afraid that Jim would shatter. 

Jim was smiling wetly, a look of pure adoration on his face despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. “Spock, come here.”

Spock frowned in confusion and Jim simply motioned for Spock to come nearer. Spock leaned closer to Jim, still clasping his hand. 

Jim leaned in the rest of the way and closed the gap between them in a soft kiss. Spock’s eyes fluttered closed and he immediately reciprocated, feeling the warmth and love radiate off of Jim. It was chaste but not hesitant, and Spock absently brought up his free hand to caress Jim’s cheek. It made him feel infinite. 

The broke apart unwillingly, craving proximity and each other’s touch. Jim pulled Spock into a tight hug, curling himself into Spock’s chest low enough for him to hear his heartbeat, a constant and steady reminder that _this is real, this is happening, this is where you are meant to be_. 

After a several minutes, Spock spoke again. “Ashayam, may I show you something?” 

Jim sat back and smiled. “Of course.”

“This... ” Spock took Jim’s hand again and folded it so two fingers were pressed against his own. Jim felt a wave of affection flow from Spock to him. “Is how Vulcans kiss.”

“I like this immensely.” Jim admitted. 

Sudden footsteps jolted them both back to reality. 

“Jim I’ve got ya another hypo, and some food if you’re up to it- oh.” McCoy walked in with a tray of medicine and food for Jim but halted upon noticing the scene in front of him. “I see you two have taken me up on my advice. Seems I’ve interrupted somethin’.” 

They dropped their hands quickly, embarrassed by McCoy’s remarks. 

“Not at all, Doctor, I was just leaving.” Spock replied, blushing profusely. 

Jim made a whine of protest, which Spock responded to by saying he would come by and see Jim again later. Spock then swiftly walked out of medbay, leaving Leonard and Jim alone. 

McCoy handed Jim the tray of food and administered the hypo with only a slight wince of pain from Jim. He took Spock’s recently vacated seat and smiled suggestively at his friend. “As the ship’s CMO I am required by regulation to remind you to use protection whenever- ”

“Bones! Stop, please!” Jim covered his ears with his hands, cheeks glowing bright red in embarrassment. “I don’t even- I mean, we just kissed, that’s all. I don’t even know what we are, we still have to figure that all out.” 

“I’m happy for you, kid. You deserve this,” McCoy said sincerely. 

“Thank you, Bones. Does your happiness for me perhaps extend to you clearing me for duty?” 

McCoy barked out a laugh. “Don’t push your luck, Jim.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
